Stuff Sasuke Says
by ZOMG its Angie
Summary: It's when everything your best friend says can be summarized into seven simple words that you realize just how much he needs you to force him to confess his true feelings for a certain pinket
1. Chapter 1

**I wonder why THIS month is SasuSaku month. Hm... Anyway, this is another thing for Sasuke and Sakura, though it is told out of Naruto's point of view. Because I love him. Very much. :D **

**It COULD be a first of a series, but that all depends.**

**And this is a really short story, so... don't expect like... The Bible. It's not long. It's actually 7 chapters. Exactly. And they aren't even long chapters.**

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Stuff Sasuke Says

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Chapter 1: Hn

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_In all of my years of knowing him, I have successfully summed up the majority of Sasuke's quotes into seven simple words:_

_Seriously._

_I've paid a lot of attention to the guy in a non-creepy, non stalkerish sort of way and have begun noticing not only a pattern, but the overall thought process of Sasuke and his inherent speech. _

_Like, 'hn' for instance is a grunt. It's a response to most things people say, though usually it's just so that Sasuke can avoid answering any questions he deems 'bothersome' or 'annoying'. So you can imagine, that he has said that to me just about every time I talk to him. _

_Because he does._

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"Alright, Sas-u-gay, lay it on me!" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at me over his deck of cards, seemingly above any kind of trash talk. We both knew he wasn't because, he's a bastard and all bastards like to preen.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that's one of Newton's laws of physics.

One who's a bastard preens, yet one who preens isn't always a bastard.

That's pretty deep shit right there. Gets a guy thinking about the meaning of life and people's equality...

And why Sasuke was looking at me like that, getting me all bothered.

"Four of a kind." Sasuke's deck of cards was laid face-up onto the table as he said this and, yes, I could tell by the small smirk on his face that he was preening. And usually, that would've bothered me, had I not been holding a royal flush in my shaking hands.

"Well, that is a good play, Sasuke. It could win any game…." Wait for it. Dramatic pauses always make moments golden. "…too bad, _I own you, bitch!" _And with much gusto, I slapped my deck onto the table, revealing the five winning cards. Sasuke, though, couldn't seem to believe it even though it was in front of his damn eyes.

_Ace. King. Queen. Joker. Ten._

"Oh yea! I win! You suck! Ha-ha!" I proceeded to do a victory dance, one that Sasuke grimaced at.

"You got lucky. Big deal."

"I did not! It takes skill to be this amazing."

"Hn." I was too happy to notice his stock response that time.

"Don't be such a crabby cathy," I said, despite how much I hated that statement, "at least Sakura-Chan wasn't here to see your demise." Sasuke glared at me, clearly offended by my statement.

"I don't see why I'd care even if she was here." To which I jokingly replied to by saying that Sasuke's love for Sakura was just too obvious. His response, though, wasn't what I'd expected. I had expected an eye roll or whatever, but instead I got a pout and a sharp, "_Hn_."

That actually should have been the first clue.

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**Opinions? Like it? Hate it? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Series? Yes or no? Or does no one care?  
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Chapter 2: Huffing

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_Sometimes, when 'hn' doesn't quite do it for him, Sasuke settles for a more irritated huff. Okay, yea that's not really a word exactly, but Sasuke huffs enough in enough situations to make it, like, a trademark. _

_It makes sense, trust me.  
_

_Sasuke huffs when he's annoyed, but he's not so annoyed that he'd actually do anything about it. He doesn't huff at me much, because the Uchiha is too busy smacking me over the head. But he sure does huff at _Sakura. _Wink-wink, nudge-nudge._

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"Sasuke, you are being ridiculous." Sasuke grunted but ultimately ignored Sakura, who stood over him with her arms crossed and a disapproving look to her. Sakura had this way of looking like my mom when she got irritated. That's actually partially why I nodded in agreement, but the other reason was only because I wanted Sasuke to quit moping and get out of bed so that we could go get ramen. Ramen was not meant to be waited for, in my books. Sasuke, though, liked making me suffer and continued burying his face into his pillow.

"Look, if you're trying to smother yourself, just tell us so we can _leave _already," I muttered, shoving my hands into my jeans pockets. Sakura glared at me and elbowed my stomach. "Ow! It was just a suggestion!"

"A stupid one! Our friend is pining and you're too busy being impatient to care!" Sasuke rolled his head to the side, enough so that he could give Sakura a withering glare.

"I am _not _pining." Only he was. And we all knew it.

"Yes you are, Sasuke. But don't worry. We'll get you through this," Sakura said, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Go away, Sakura." Sakura refused, as she usually did when Sasuke demanded something of her. "Sakura. I'm not joking. Leave. Right now."

"_No_," Sakura said, defiant as always. "I'm not leaving until you get up." I groaned. Sakura glared me into silence. Because even though I had five inches and forty plus pounds on her, the girl was still scary as hell.

"I'm not getting up."

"Yes, you are." Sakura cocked an eyebrow, daring Sasuke to back talk her.

"But I'm not," Sasuke said stubbornly.

"Only you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"_No."_

"_Yes!"_

And then Sakura attempted to pull Sasuke into a seated position. She actually accomplished her task after a few minutes of screaming and fighting on Sakura's part. Once she had him in a seated position, we all had a good view of Sasuke for the first time since we had greeted him that morning. His eyes were dark, irritated, and there was an indignant frown on his face. He was still in his pajamas (t shirt and boxer shorts) and didn't seem to care. No, Sasuke was more worried about his hair.

The whole reason he was acting like a girl in the first place.

"Sasuke, your hair looks _fine_," Sakura said, patting Sasuke on the shoulder. Sasuke glared at Sakura.

"You don't understand, Sakura. I have a reputation to keep up. And this," gesture to the crazy bird nest atop his head, "ensures the destruction of said reputation." Sakura blinked at Sasuke for a moment. Maybe she finally realized he was a drama queen.

"…Sasuke. If the people out there don't like you after one bad hair day, then they need to get their heads out of their asses." Sakura smiled as she gave Sasuke a hug. "Cuz, you are a lot cooler than they will ever know." In response, Sasuke averted his eyes and huffed.

Clue number two came and went without my noticing.

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**Thank you one reviewer. You've made me happy:) GO BLONDEBARBIEVAMP!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Series? Yes or no? Or does no one care?  
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Chapter 3: Tsh

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'_Tsh'_

_It's the bastardly version of the phrases "as if" and "yeah right". _

_Okay, it's not exclusive to bastards, but since Sasuke uses this particular phrase all the time it sounds fitting enough, right?_

_Yea, that's what I thought.  
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_Anyway, Sasuke uses this mostly when he's denying something. Such as, um, his unmentioned feelings for a certain pink-haired-green-eyed-fairly-short girl.  
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_Cough.  
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"Sasuke-Teme?"

"What." It was supposed to be a question, I knew it was. But somehow, it just wasn't. Thus the power of brooding males.

"Do you like Sakura-Chan?" I asked as I lifted a thick stream of ramen noodles in-between my chopsticks. His pause was so long, I had enough time to slurp all the noodles up, chew them, and swallow the mouthful. That should be saying something. Sasuke was staring at his counter-top, a mildly thoughtful look on his face. Then, he turned to me, frowning and said:

"No." (_He likes saying 'no' a lot, too, but I'll get to that at my own pace._)

"Then…why do you act so weird around her?"

"I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"Alright. Let's say that I like her."

"But you do."

"...okay, for argument's sake-"

"There isn't much of an argument when we all know your feelings." Sasuke stared at me for a long time before continuing.

"What proof do you have that I like her?"

"Well, you never care when she touches you even though you're a stickler for personal space. And you always do this creepy-Sasuke-flirting with her. And you always do stuff for her even though you're usually selfish."

"…And that means I like her." Once again, the question came out like a blunt statement, almost an accusation.

"Um…yes," I answered, "it does." Sasuke stared at me for a moment, stirring his ramen absent-mindedly. Then, shaking his head, he glared at his food.

"Tsh."

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**Ooo, new reviewers? Yay:)  
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**thank you everyone!  
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	4. Chapter 4

**Series? Yes or no? Or does no one care?  
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Stuff Sasuke Says

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Chapter 4: No

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_Sasuke says no a lot. Sometimes he actually does mean it.  
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_'No, Naruto, I don't want to go paintball Tsunade-Sama's car.'  
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_'No, Naruto, I am not a sparkly vampire in disguise.'  
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_'NO, NARUTO, I AM NOT GAY.'  
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_Usually, though, when Sasuke says no, what he really is saying is:_

'_I'm saying no because I want to seem cool, but really, I'm going to do what you want anyway.'_

_And, as most of his statements do, this one helped reveal Sasuke's obsessive crush on Haruno Sakura._

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"Please, Sasuke?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"_No._"

"But, Sasuke-Teme, I really wanna see it!"

"A movie about the 16th president of America slaying vampires is complete bull shit and will probably kill the little brain cells you have left. I am not taking that risk."

"No it's not and no it won't! It looks absolutely amazing!" Sasuke glared at me, and that glare signified that his 'no's actually meant _**no.**_ I frowned and stormed away from him, heading to the other side of the food court. If I pouted long enough, he would hopefully feel guilty and buy us tickets to go see _Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer_ (being 16 to Sasuke's 17 was so not fair).

"Naruto?" I looked up to see a familiar pink haired girl walking towards me, shopping bag in one hand and ice cream cone in the other. I smiled at this good sign; Sakura would be in a good mood today!

"Sakura-Chan!" I cried, leaping up to tackle the girl in a hug.

"Um. Hi." I took a step back and gave Sakura my best puppy dog face.

"Sakura-Chan, I need your help."

"What with?" I pointed over my shoulder at where I assumed Sasuke was sitting.

"Sasuke won't buy a ticket for me into a rated R movie. Please go convince him for me." Sakura shrugged and went to go beg for me, and I followed her to see the results. Sasuke looked up from the hamburger he was eating to stare at the two of us as we approached. His eyes locked on me and narrowed.

"Tattletale," Sasuke muttered.

"Fun sucker," I retorted.

"Boys," Sakura snapped, glaring at the both of us. Then, with a gentle smile, she looked to Sasuke. "Sasuke, can you please go watch that movie with Naruto? He really wants to go see it."

"No." Sakura twitched.

"No?" She asked quietly, her smile faltering. Sasuke took a bit of his hamburger.

"No." Sakura blinked at Sasuke. He blinked right back. I stared with wide, curious eyes, wondering what would happen next.

A few minutes later, Sasuke and I were in line to go see _Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer._

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**Another update! And will anyone actually see that ALVS movie? If you do tell me if its good. **_  
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**Cuz we all know Abe Lincoln is a total badass who hunts evil vampires.  
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**Duh.  
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**American History right there.  
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	5. Chapter 5

**Series? Yes or no? Or does no one care?  
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Chapter 5: Dobe

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_This next word is very near and dear to my heart. It's none other than 'dobe'. Now I don't admit to being friends with Sasuke often (well actually, I do), but when I do, I admit that I don't actually think he's a Teme. I just call him that. Just like he calls me dobe. Because, in actuality, I'm his bitch, as he is mine._

_Cough, anyway.  
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_Sasuke calls me Dobe usually when I say or do something stupid.  
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_Or, I've come to realize, when I say something true.  
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It was an interesting day. Sakura was at lunch tutorials, so for our off campus lunch, Sasuke and I decided to hang with the guys for a change.

"Do you think they'll notice the fact that we haven't gotten lunch with them since the beginning of the semester?" Sasuke asked me. Maybe I was confused, but I could've sworn there was a hint of worry in his usually stoic tone. To help placate his worried mind, I clapped my best bud firmly on the back.

"Calm down, man. The guys either won't notice or won't care. We're men after all. Not exactly known for being observant." Sasuke nodded in agreement, because _of course I was right _and _of course the guys wouldn't care._

And boy, were we wrong.

"Hey! Sakura's lovers are back!" Kiba exclaimed as the two of us approached his truck. The other guys laughed good naturedly. Well most of them did. A good few seemed to enjoy the mockery a bit too much.

"How does it feel to be Sakura's _bitch_?" Suigetsu snorted with a wide grin, showcasing his unusually pointy teeth. I frowned at his statement because I was no-one's bitch.

"I am not Sakura's bitch!" I snapped and then thrust a finger to point at Sasuke. "_He's _the one who's in love with her!" Sasuke cringed before glaring over in the direction of the high school.

"Shut up, Dobe." But I had already planted the seed.

"Sasuke likes Sakura?" Sai wanted to know.

"He didn't deny it so it must be true," Suigetsu laughed.

"No, the dobe is… well… a dobe. He doesn't know what he's-"

"Sasuke likes Sakura!" exclaimed an excited Kiba as he ran off towards the school. Sasuke glared at me, probably cursing me to oblivion.

An apologetic smile formed on my face.

"Oops."

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**Incredibly short, neh? I might just finish this out today.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Series? Yes or no? Or does no one care?  
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Chapter 6: Annoying

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_Sasuke still hasn't forgiven me for that._

_Cough. _

_Anyway, another one of Sasuke's favorite words:_

_Annoying._

_I'm pretty sure you can guess who he calls that on a daily basis?_

_Here's a hint: it's me.  
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_And the occasional cameo of Sakura.  
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"Sasuke, do you have a bathroom?" Sasuke turned a page in his history book without looking up. "Yea, down the hall to the left." Sakura smiled.

"Thanks!" the girl got up and began walking out. I smirked as Sasuke watched her leave, or more accurately, watched her _ass _as she left. Snicker, snicker.

"So... Sakura," I drawled out, trying to sound obnoxious and suggestive it worked.

"What about her?" Sasuke asked. Still staring at the door she left, mind you.

"She's pretty hot, isn't she?" Sasuke sat up a little straighter in his chair.

"No."

"Aw, don't be like that Sasuke. We all know you're in love with her." Sasuke grimaced and forced his eyes back to the history book just as said girl re-entered the room.

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"Sakura's annoying." He didn't even wait for a good moment to say it. It was out of the blue. I'm serious. We had been playing a video game about zombie-killers when Sasuke brought her up.

"Hm?" I asked, too focused on button mashing to really pay attention to my best friend. A few minutes passed that were only filled with the clicking of controllers and crunching of popcorn. And then:

"I said Sakura's annoying." Sasuke's zombie killer died, which left me to fend for myself against, like, a bazillion zombies. I was so going to die.

"Why's that?" I asked, eyes glued to my flat screen television (the joys of having a rich father). Sasuke shrugged as he watched me.

"I dunno. Something about her is just…so…"

"Annoying?" I suggested.

"Yea. Annoying." I risked looking at Sasuke, who was staring off into space. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, so I decided, might as well irritate the boy a little bit.

"Maybe you think she's annoying because she's the first girl you really like."

I had known Sasuke was going to react badly, but throwing me halfway across the room? Yea, you could say I expected that just about as much as my bed did.

"Dude, what the hell!" I cried, sitting up and rubbing the knot that was growing on my forehead. Sasuke was reclined on my bedroom floor as though he had never moved.

"I don't like Sakura," he said calmly.

"Stop denying it!"

"I'm not denying anything!" Sasuke and I glared at each other. But, really, I was mad. Pissed off, even. Here was Uchiha Sasuke, one of the most sought after guy in school, and he was too afraid to admit that he had a crush on Sakura! Talk about letting down men everywhere.

"Fine. If you don't want to confess your love for Sakura, then I will do it for you!" I shouted, leaping to my feet. Sasuke jumped up as well, eyes blazing.

"Not if I tell her how first," Sasuke growled and ran out the door.

It took him a good five minutes to realize that I had played him. I could tell he was embarrassed by the pout set on his features as he ambled back into my room.

"You're so annoying, Naruto."

"Yea. I know."

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**Oh, look! One more chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Series? Yes or no? Or does no one care?  
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Chapter 7: Whatever

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_The seventh word is whatever._

_And we all know how much Sasuke loves saying whatever._

_It's usually shown as a sign of defeat, you know, like if you finally realize you're wrong in an argument you say 'whatever' in an attempt to keep some dignity left._

_Even though it usually doesn't work.  
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Since Sasuke's confession (to me at least) he seemed a bit more withdrawn than usual. He didn't talk much, just kind of shadowed after me and Sakura wherever we went. It irritated me.

"Hey Sakura," I said as the three of us walked through the park on day.

"Yes?" Sakura asked, looking up at me. I glanced over at Sasuke, who busied himself with not listening to us.

"…What would you do if Sasuke asked you out?" Ha-ha, now he was listening. Sakura, I noticed, stiffened before smiling.

"I don't know. I guess it depends."

"On what?" Sakura and I both glanced at Sasuke, who had spoken too quickly to not have been curious and/or offended by Sakura's statement. Being the good friend that she was, Sakura ignored it. Instead, she smiled flirtatiously at Sasuke.

"Oh, it'd depend what you'd say if I asked _you _out." Well played, Sakura. I turned to Sasuke, a gloating smile on my face. Sasuke stared straight ahead, trying to ignore the obvious blush that was coming on his face. Let me pause for a minute to gloat.

_Uchiha Sasuke was blushing over a girl_. _Priceless!_

"Uh… I'd…um…" Sasuke looked to me for help. I merely shrugged and mouthed 'now or never'. Because seriously. Chicks before dicks. "I…uh…I guess I'd say… yes…" That surprised Sakura. She stopped walking, eyes going all wide and stuff like she was a fish or something.

"Seriously?" she asked. Sasuke's blush was more obvious now.

"Um. Yes." Sakura was silent as she stared up at Sasuke, her face devoid of emotion.

Everyone knows that I'm incredibly impatient, right? So that really does justify what I did next.

"Sakura, can you just tell him you love him already cuz I'm pretty sure you've both been obsessed with each other since the eighth grade." And proceeded to force the two's heads together in a Super-Awesome-Naruto-Induced-Kiss (better than most kisses, they are).

Of course, this caused Sakura to become a stuttering pile of pink as she made some lame excuse about having to go study and she left (though not before kissing Sasuke lightly again) and Sasuke just stood as still as a statue. Actually, I was pretty sure I had just rocked his world.

Giving the Uchiha a brotherly pat, I smirked. "I told you to confess. See what good it did? This is proof that I, Uzumaki Naruto, am forever right and you, Uchiha Sasuke, are forever indebted to me." Sasuke smiled at that as he gave me a quick, unbelievably rare Bro Hug.

"Tsh, Whatever Dobe."

Three words in one? I'm pretty sure that just confirmed it;

I am a genius and Sasuke really needs to read a dictionary.

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**Weird story buuuut I still liked it. Please review!**


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